"Sit down, and behave yourself, Sit down..."

I went out to watch the Scotland-Ukraine game yesterday in the Rob Roy. After getting drenched by other people's spilled drinks twice inside the first ten minutes, we decided to adjourn to the bar across the road for the second half. It was packed as well, but you could at least get served and move your arms. But when goal number three went in, this place erupted as well.

Fair to say the landlady wasn't best pleased. However, karma was restored when one guy standing on the seats and ignoring the landlady's requests to get down, was subject to a collective musical admonishment from the rest of the pub of "Sit down, and behave yourself!". Result? One shame-faced fan, newly positioned on his rear end, and one landlady now beaming from ear to ear.

There's been a few other people who could have benefited from similar injunctions this week. No sooner had the Comprehensive Spending Review been announced, before Labour figures were out and about spinning that this was a remarkable financial settlement for Scotland, but that the SNP wouldn't be able to meet their spending commitments. Labour good, SNP bad. Four legs good etc ad nauseum.

I'd have thought that they might have confined themselves to boasting of their own financial prowess, rather than trying to slate anyone else. However, it all fell to bits for them as the Scottish Government was able to show that the £7.2bn figure over 3 years being trumpeted by, amongst others, Scottish Secretary Des Brown, didn't take account of inflation; was calculated from a spending baseline reduced in advance (thus making any spending increases look bigger than they actually were); and relied on the old Labour trick of double and triple counting money (year 1, plus year 1 plus year 2, plus year 1 plus year 2 plus year 3 - great, eh?).

Next up, it was Hilary Benn and DEFRA. Despite being a mainly English department, animal welfare is a reserved issue, meaning that when there's compensation to be paid out as a result of the restrictions from foot and mouth disease, it's DEFRA that has to foot the bill. No ifs, no buts - that's how it works and that's how it is in the Scotland Act.

Due to the movement restrictions and the current export ban, there are tens of thousands of sheep, in particular the 'light lambs' bred for export to southern Europe, now facing starvation due to lack of fodder. Because the grazing and climatic conditions are different in Scotland to most of England, a herculean effort was made to try and convince English Ministers and officials that unless action was taken, sheep would be left starving to death on the hillsides.

Scottish Agriculture Minister Richard Lochhead tried to contact Hilary Benn at least 3 times last week, but not once were his calls returned. Strange, you might think, when in a draft statement from Friday to be delivered to the Commons on Monday, Benn was planning to announce an £8.1m package for Scottish farmers which had been agreed by the Treasury. However, by the time the statement was made, the compensation scheme was announced for England only, with the devolved administrations being told to fund, at least initially, their own disposal schemes.

Of course, that Friday everyone was expecting a general election, but by the Monday, Gordon Brown had called the whole thing off. A coincidence? Well, I'm more inclined than most to give people the benefit of the doubt, since cock-up is usually a lot more prevalent in most organisations than conspiracy. But here, the Westminster government has been caught bang to rights, and their squeals of indignation at being rumbled are as ridiculous as they are unjustified.

We've got junior nobodies in Westminster jumping up and down, fulminating about 'breaches of confidence', and 'playing politics'. We've even had some silly suggestions that the Scotland Office will henceforth vet all government documents 'to make sure Alex Salmond can't make mischief with them', and a lot of hand-wringing nonsense about how bad relations now are between the Scottish Government and Scotland Office, which of course is all the fault of the SNP.

Well, the 'vetting' initiative will last about a week, if it even starts at all, simply because neither ministers nor officials have the time, or the appetite to wade through everything on its way to Edinburgh. And even if they did, the outrage that would come back on them when important information reaches Scottish Ministers and officials late, would destroy any vestage of credibility which they might seek to salvage from this week.

The difference we have seen over the past week is that while Jack McConnell's Executive would simply have gone along with the exaggerated spin about funds available form the CSR and kept quiet about the 'now you see it, now you don't' foot and mouth compensation, the SNP government has no such qualms. Those informal, internal Labour networks which allowed information to be shared and conflicts 'resolved' are now no longer there. Good - on the evidence of the last few months, it seems that their only purpose was to keep everyone thinking that Scottish interests were being served well, even (and especially) when they were not.

That's a huge step forward in my view, and one which only goes to show 1) how timid the previous government was in its dealings with Westminster departments 2) the subordinate nature of the relationship and 3) the need for more formalised lines of communication if devolved government is to work as well as it can. On reflection, a collective chant to Alasdair Darling, Des Browne and Hilary Benn to "Sit down, and behave yourselves" might actually be a bit too mild. How about "Same old Labour, always cheating" instead?

P.S. Wendy Alexander's been very quiet this week, don't you think?

Opposable Glums

BBC Scotland held a reception in Westminster last night for Scottish MPs and their hangers-on, to herald the publication of their Annual Review. BBC Governor Jeremy Peat gave an interesting and thoughtful speech, in which he touched on the BBC’s obligation to better reflect Scotland, not just to the Scots, but to the rest of the UK as well. While sidestepping the issue of a ‘Scottish Six’, he did dwell on the now compulsory course for BBC news staff, designed to raise awareness throughout the network of the impact of devolution.

It was impeccably unionist, yet there was still enough in there to please nationalists too. A well judged and diplomatic contribution, you might think. Well, not everyone agreed. I’ll spare some blushes and preserve the anonymity of the Labour MP who flounced out half way through the speech, ranting about how Peat was ‘sounding like a bloody SNP member’. If the MP’s colleagues agreed with him, which judging by the positive outward reactions of two Government Ministers to the speech they did not, the rest at least had the good manners to keep their counsel.

As our friend from last night managed to illustrate with uncharacteristic eloquence, Labour still doesn’t seem to have any collective idea how to respond to the fact that they’re out of power in Scotland. In manoeuvring to take over from Jack McConnell, Andy Kerr has made a series of overblown and misjudged attacks on Alex Salmond. Meanwhile, Record columnist and Gordon Brown mouthpiece Tom Brown, had an ad-hominem rant in last weekend’s Scotland on Sunday, the main purpose of which seemed to be to indulge in whinging self-catharsis about the SNP having made an assured start to their period in office.

At Scottish Questions yesterday, in defending the constitution unreformed, Des Browne drew a distinction between himself and his Lib Dem questioner, by announcing proudly that he was an ‘unevolving devolver’. He might do well to remember that it tends to be the species which fail to evolve and adapt that are the ones which usually end up extinct. Certainly, on the evidence of the last few weeks, there doesn’t seem to be much indication yet of any post-election evolution in Scottish Labour.

Scottish Questions, Devine Interventions And Lib Dem Intrigue

It was Scottish Questions today at Westminster, not that you would have noticed from reading the BBC website. If Scottish Questions was a waste of time before devolution - being largely clogged up with home counties Tories asking puffball questions designed to extoll the virtues of the Union - it has even less relevance today, what with there being an SNP government sitting in Edinburgh.


A few MPs were enjoying their first outings following last week's party reshuffles. Des Browne and David Cairns have been promoted to Scottish Secretary and Minister of State respectively. Ben Wallace also popped up on the Tory benches as the new sidekick to fellow ex-MSP David Mundell. But to show that some things never change, Livingstone MP Jim Devine again made a fool of himself, slating the SNP for imposing single status agreements at West Lothian Council, when they were actually set in train by Devine's council colleagues from the outgoing Labour administration. Oops...

However, perhaps the most surprising and least remarked upon change, was the Lib Dems' replacement of Jo Swinson with Orkney and Shetland MP Alasdair Carmichael. For all that I've said some pretty harsh things about the Lib Dems in the past, I genuinely don't have a bad thing to say about either Jo Swinson or Alasdair Carmichael. Sure, some of Ms Swinson's contributions could be a bit earnest and predictable at times, but I can't think of anything she's either done or not done over the period she held the post to merit her demotion.

That said, Alasdair Carmichael has an easy, fluent manner, and comes across very well indeed. He is clearly head and shoulders above many of his Scottish Lib Dem colleagues, including at this point in time Jo Swinson. However, that was also the case at the time Jo Swinson was appointed, so why change things round now?

Trouble behind the scenes, or further evidence that Menzies Campbell just doesn't really have the stragegic and managerial skills needed to build a decent team? Any Lib Dems prepared to have a go at explaining this one are cordially invited to the comments section for a discussion :-)

For Whom The Bell Tolls

It's been a busy weekend (one party, a visit to Stirling and a Scots Independent article which needed written in a hurry). However, in the meantime, here's an interesting article written by broadcaster Alex Bell for allmediascotland.com, on the curious approach of the Scottish press to the current election campaign.

This afternoon, though, the bell tolling may be for Defence Secretary Des Browne, who has the unenviable task of explaining to the Commons why he allowed the 15 captured Royal Navy personnel to sell their stories to the press. The decision was wrong on so many levels it's difficult to know where to begin. However, it's hardly the worst strategic choice ever made by this government, so it's hard to fathom why Tony Blair has allowed the pressure to build up on him in this way.


Maybe to shaft one of the Chancellor's allies before he departs this political life? Who knows, but it seems unlikely. Browne is a fairly dull and dilligent politician about whom it is difficult to have any strong feelings. However, even less fathomable is the behaviour of Gordon Brown, who has refused conspicuously to stand up for his ally.

Is he now so terrified of alienating anyone on his way to Number 10 that he can't even muster up some basic loyalty for a friend in need? We all know that Brown has made a lot of enemies on his way to the top. But if he won't even ride to the rescue of Browne, just what sort of slippery, gutless, spineless creature are a small cabal of Labour MPs set to inflict on us as Prime Minister once Blair rides off into the sunset?

As Jeremy Thorpe once remarked, 'Greater love hath no man, than that he lay down his friends for his life'.